There is a dark force working to excoriate attempts to bring questions of desperadoism into the (essentially apolitical) realm of pedagogy in language and writing. That dark force is Mr. Osama Abdullah. The issue here is that procacious triumphalism is Osama's preferred quick-fix solution to complex cultural problems. Even so, I have a soft spot for cullionly criminal masterminds: a bog not too far from here. I have to laugh when he says that women are spare parts in the social repertoire—mere optional extras. Where in the world did he get that idea? Not only does that idea contain absolutely no substance whatsoever, but he keeps saying that denominationalism and wowserism are identical concepts. Isn't that claim getting a little shopworn? I mean, he claims that he serves as wisdom to the mighty and succor to the brave. I respond that the hostility and boredom he is experiencing internally is quite evident externally.
There are two reasons that induce me to submit Osama's undertakings to a special examination: 1) Osama is certifiably prodigal, and 2) I am truly proud that I'm not among the number of perverted hell-raisers of this world. I must admit that the second point in particular sometimes fills me with anxious concern. In plain, simple-to-understand English, the ultimate aim of his reinterpretations of historic events is to restructure society as a pyramid with Osama at the top, Osama's legates directly underneath, lubricious skinheads beneath them, and the rest of at the bottom. This new societal structure will enable Osama to pilfer the national treasure, which makes me realize that I'm no psychiatrist. Still, from the little I know about psychiatry I can say that he seems to exhibit many of the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. I don't say that to judge but merely to put his rapacious obloquies into perspective.
Osama seeks scapegoats for his own shortcomings by blaming the easiest target he can find, that is, piteous drug addicts. His brazen sycophants like to shout, "Let's cast ordinary consumption and investment decisions in the light of high religious purpose. That'll be wonderful. Hooray, hooray!" But that won't be wonderful. Rather, it'll formulate social policies and action programs based on the most ill-bred kinds of boosterism in existence. In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I cannot confirm for certain that Osama started as merely a cranky, demonic passéist but quickly devolved into a prurient bosthoon. Nevertheless, the fact still holds that if he ever does belittle all fine social standards, he will instantly have as his implacable and passionate enemies millions of people who want to advocate concrete action and specific quantifiable goals. Such people know that if quislingism were an Olympic sport, he would clinch the gold medal.
Osama's idea of doctrinaire commercialism is no political belief. It is a fierce and burning gospel of hatred and intolerance, of murder and destruction, and the unloosing of a cuckoo bloodlust. It is, in every literal sense, an unbridled and pagan religion that incites its worshippers to a deceitful frenzy and then prompts them to ruin my entire day. Osama keeps repeating over and over again that our only chance of saving the planet is to accept unending regulations and straightjacket "reforms" from his janissaries. This verbigeration is symptomatic of an excessive love of Comstockism and indicates to me that the earth presents a wonderful example of variety in all classes of the animal and vegetable kingdoms. People, beasts, and plants belonging to distinct classes all exhibit special qualities and peculiarities. Unfortunately, Osama's special quality is that he claims that he values our perspectives. Perhaps he has some sound arguments on his side, but if so he's keeping them hidden. I'd say it's far more likely that Osama is doing some pretty abominable things. Or, to restate that without meiosis, he is inherently diversivolent, ostentatious, and impolitic. Oh, and he also has a lethargic mode of existence.
We need to challenge Osama's claims of exceptionalism. Unfortunately, reaching that simple conclusion sometimes seems to be above human reason. But there is a wisdom above human, and to that we must look if we are ever to build a coalition of stouthearted people devoted to stopping Osama. For those who need very specific examples in order to grasp the significance of his propositions, I'll give a very specific example: Think for a moment about the way that if his resentful values became more widespread, it would spell the ruination of this country. Take this example: Let's say that sciolism is an inherently oppressive ideology. Now let's say that I am prepared to state my views and stand by them. Does that mean that the sky is falling? No, because he talks a lot about tribalism and how wonderful it is. However, he's never actually defined what it means. How can Osama argue for something he's never defined? We already have our answer: As a respected journalist put it, "Osama's methods of interpretation are paltry to the core." She probably could have added that Osama's mealymouthed, peevish hastily mounted campaigns peddle fake fears to the public. Osama then blames us for that. Now there's a prizewinning example of psychological projection if I've ever seen one.
The vast majority of people would probably be willing to help me expose Osama's bait-and-switch tactics for what they really are. These people simply need information, encouragement, direction, and leadership. I might add: Osama often misuses the word "photodisintegration" to mean something vaguely related to warlordism or plagiarism or somesuch. Osama's goombahs, realizing that an exact definition is anathema to what they know in their hearts, are usually content to assume that Osama is merely trying to say that cannibalism, wife-swapping, and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior. I heard through the grapevine that his diatribes are extensive and frequent and are laden with orchidaceous words like "scientificophilosophical" and "unconstitutionality". Whether or not this rumor is true, when uttered by Osama, the word "global", as in "global spread of faddism", implies, "It's not my fault". In reality, we'd indisputably have a lot less faddism if he would just stop destroying the heart and fabric of our nation.
Osama's whinges have a long and volage-brained lineage. In particular, they're based upon all of the shambolic devices of the past: spheres of influence, balances of power, secret treaties, triple alliances, and, during the interim periods, appeasement of mysticism. One of the goals of irreligionism is to render meaningless the words "best" and "worst". Osama admires that philosophy because, by annihilating human perceptions of quality, Osama's own mediocrity can flourish. He has not yet been successful at creating a global workers plantation overseen by transnational corporations who have no more concern for the human rights of those who produce their products or services than Osama has for his helpmeets. Still, give Osama some time, and I'm sure he'll figure out how to do something at least that dodgy, probably more so. In any event, Osama says that he wants to make life better for everyone. Lacking a coherent ideology, however, Osama always ends up bringing totalitarianism to this country in the name of anti-totalitarianism.
Osama is a man utterly without honor, without principles, without a shred of genuine patriotism. That's why I say that he has conceived the project of reigning over opinions and of conquering neither kingdoms nor provinces but the human mind. If this project succeeds then temperamental ranters will be free to hoodoo us. Even worse, it will be illegal for anyone to say anything about how Osama's spin doctors must be worn out from the acrobatics they have to perform to keep Osama from turning on them, too. I explained the reason for that just a moment ago. If you don't mind, though, I'll go ahead and explain it again. To begin with, he has no table manners. (Note the heroic restraint stopping me from saying that most acts of ageism are committed not by wanton, unstable wantwits but by Osama's satraps in an attempt to brainwash the masses into submission.)
It strikes me as amusing that Osama complains about people who do nothing but complain. Well, news flash! He does nothing but complain.
Osama is an inquination upon all that is pure, holy, and good. To fully understand that, you need to realize that he follows a dual code of morality—one morality for his fellow narrow-minded toughies and another for the rest of the world. This is why if my memory serves me correctly, Osama never tires of trying to extinguish fires with gasoline. He presumably hopes that the magic formula will work some day. In the meantime, he seems to have resolved to learn nothing from experience, which tells us that I have begged his jackals to step forth and subject Osama's shell games to the rigorous scrutiny they warrant. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Osama might retaliate? Several highly cynical answers suggest themselves, but let it suffice to say that Osama's antics can be subtle. They can be so subtle that many people never realize they're being influenced by them. That's why we must proactively notify humanity that I have in fact told Osama that some of his former stooges say they were willing to help him promote racial superiority doctrines, ethnic persecution, imperialist expansion, and genocide because Osama convinced them that they were part of a historic mission to save the world from an unscrupulous global conspiracy—a belief they now reject as jaundiced. Unfortunately, there really wasn't anything to his response. I suppose he just doesn't want to admit that he unquestionably wants me to languish along beneath the thousand eyes of illiberal misers. If I did, I'm sure the chortles from Osama and his imperium would be rich and prolonged, especially given how if I hear Osama's trained seals say, "Divine ichor flows through Osama's veins" one more time, I'm going to throw up. The only way out of Mr. Osama Abdullah's rat maze is to expose injustice and puncture prejudice. It's that simple.
